Love is a force that pushes many of us forward. When that force is undermined, by our own doing or the actions of others, a frustration builds that has no equal. Seeing how powerful that frustration is it is easy to imagine how it can lead people down the path of hate. The frustration born from thwarted love can stoke the fires of anger and resentment. Those negative feelings can tarnish the love that you have already built up. That being said, we are all going to go through phases of frustration in life. We will need to deconstruct that frustration, be able to recognize it, and develop coping strategies for it.
Frustration is a tree that has three branches. Your goal, the time/energy/resources being put towards the fulfillment of that goal, and the progress you're making towards that fulfillment. The feeling of frustration will be birthed if you feel your progress is too slow or your putting too much energy/time/resources into accomplishing your goal(1). Now, when your goal is love, or sex, that frustration could be devastating if you let it run rampant. If you feel that you are unable to find love, and the sex that this love will be expressed as, then your mind might wander towards depressing thoughts. These dark thoughts could lead you to isolate yourself, thereby compounding your frustration. This is the danger of the frustration related to love and sex.
I have noticed that many people in the world equate love with sex. They push aside the quest for love, and spreading love, in the pursuit of instant physical gratification. Those that pursue sex in this manner are destined for sexual frustration. Sexual frustration is your frustration at not being able to have the type of sex you want to have(2). This can be because you have no sexual partner or you have a partner that is not interested in the same kind of sex as you are. In the case that you are missing a sexual partner, the most reliable coping strategy for that frustration is masturbation. During that masturbation sex toys can be an invaluable tool, especially if the sex that you crave involves you being penetrated(3). Another breed of sexual frustration is the unmet desire for human touch. The strategy of masturbation will not meet this desire. Humans are social creatures, this desire will build to a boiling point in everyone. When you are needing this desire to be met you will have to arrange a situation where you will be touched and are touching, such as dancing. Sometimes, frustration can be soothed by merely knowing that you are loved(2). When you are feeling frustration at not finding love, knowing that people in the world do love you will soothe that pain. By questing for love-mania you are on the road to mending your love frustration. You don't even need to have reached love-mania. The people who are already in that state do love you and by pursuing love-mania you are well on the way to loving them. Frustration is fleeting, we often forget that it is a simple speed bump. However the easiest way to solving this kind of frustration is to change your approach.
It may seem overly simple, but if you are experiencing unbelievable frustration in your pursuit of love then you should try changing your approach. Remember, the tree of frustration is built of three branches: the goal, the time/energy/resources dedicated to that goal, and the progress that you make to that goal's fulfillment. Keeping that in mind, when you have reached a peak of frustration it couldn't hurt to change your goal or change the amount of time/energy/resources you're dedicating to that goal(1). The example that leaps into my mind is those that define love as sex. If you are doggedly pursuing sex and hoping that you will stumble upon a blindingly pure love along the way you may want to readjust your definition of love. It benefits everyone to keep your goals at the forefront of your mind. Also, make sure that your methods are going to help you achieve that goal; reassessment is never a bad thing. A key point of that reassessment is realizing the causes of your frustration.
The quest for love is inevitably going to have instances of frustration, whether you are part of a couple or on your own. People who are single are going to feel frustration due to the search for love. This frustration will stem from wanting something (love) that you currently don't have. One way to counteract this frustration is by knowing that your love does exist and you will find it, even if you can't see it now. If you accept love-mania then you would have the love to satisfy this frustration, with or without a partner. When two people are in a relationship one major source of frustration is sex. This kind of sexual frustration will raise its head when one partner's libido is higher than the other. Now, there are many reasons that this difference can happen. The stress of everyday life can cause your partner's sex drive to plummet. A hormonal imbalance could easily cause a change in your sex drive, as could depression and anxiety(3). By gaining understanding for the reason behind a change in sex drive you will also gain compassion and understanding. That is the first step to solving the issue.
The frustration that exists within a couple can only be overcome by the efforts of both partners. It is entirely possible that one partner will be frothing with frustration while the other is entirely fulfilled. The only way to solve frustration within a couple is to address the issue with your partner. When the issue is brought up there is no point in putting your partner on the defensive. Things will go much smoother if you are gentle, sensitive and affirming. The easiest way might be to bring up the topic in a way that both of you are comfortable talking about it. You also need to keep in mind that there is no blame in this situation. Solving your sexual frustration is just putting your sexuality back in balance with your partner's(4), it is no one's fault. Frustration is just a speed bump in the quest for love.
Plenty of us are on a quest to become closer to the cosmic force of love. By departing on this quest we will partner with many people and feel isolated at times. Throughout those times there will be instances of frustration for everyone. This frustration could be described as love frustration. It would benefit all of us to tear down the components of frustration, in order to learn from them. Once we have learned from them we can come up with coping strategies. With these coping strategies ready we will be able to move forward in our quest for love and be able to recognize frustration and remedy it. While this feeling may be toxic, but it is a part of life and must be dealt with.
“The Science of (Sexual) Frustration”, accessed on September 26, 2016, http://www.thedirtynormal.com/blog/2014/05/28/the-science-of-sexual-frustration/
“Coping with Sexual Frustration”, accessed September 26, 2016, http://flowpsychology.com/coping-with-sexual-frustration/
“What to do About Sexual Frustration”, accessed September 26, 2016, http://www.webmd.boots.com/sex-relationships/features/prescriptions-sexual-frustration?page=3
“Marriage and Sexual Frustrations: Inevitable or Solvable?”, accessed September 26, 2016, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201109/marriage-and-sexual-frustrations-inevitable-or-solvable