Well everyone, I am nearing the finish line that I set for myself in this No Fap Style Challenge. The 90 day challenge ends on October 7th, one month away, and I have come to a realization during this challenge. I believe that porn messed with my mind.
It has been two months since I stopped watching porn. I have adjusted back to my normal masturbation habits, around 4 times a week. Without porn I have been forced to completely focus on myself while jerking off. This has caused my orgasms to become far more intense. I am able to cum in a reasonable amount of time, 5-10 minutes. Also, my self esteem has improved. I am convinced that all of these changes are due to the fact that I am focusing on myself rather than a porn star.
This No Fap Style Challenge has put me in touch with a concept that I am calling self-love. Simply put, self-love is loving yourself. This concept is intimately linked to self esteem, if you hate yourself you won't be able to love yourself. It makes sense that if you exclusively focus on a stranger while masturbating your self esteem would drop. I was subconsciously telling myself that I was worth less than a stranger. The farther removed from porn that masturbation became, the greater my self-love grew. I began focusing on my own body more and derived more pleasure from stroking my dick. I began to make love to myself. The more I did this the more I loved myself.
I have come to the conclusion that by relying so heavily on porn for masturbation I removed myself from the activity. I wasn't mentally there, I checked out. By removing porn from the equation I have reconnected with my body. I became more mindful of masturbation and I now feel a greater orgasm, a larger burst of love. When I began watching porn it was fun fantasy fulfillment. As the years wore on I became more detached from my own body due to watching so much porn. If I hadn't stopped at this point I wonder about how far the detachment could've gone. Porn is something that we all need to be cautious of. It can do serious harm to our self-love.